Dating: It is an intimate relationship between two people. It can end up in marriage or be a short-term relationship as well.
Introvert – It describes a person who tends to be mentally inward. An introvert is someone who stays aloof in a crowd: is shy, quiet and unable to make friends easily.
Being in a relationship means:
A relationship means when two individuals come together to make each other better. It's not about the two individuals but their relationship with each other. It's not just about holding hands or kissing but accepting each other with their flaws. They support each other in their dreams and visions. A relationship means giving the best of ourselves to someone who truly deserves it. It's not about saying I love you but showing it and proving it.
When you are in a relationship you need to give time to each other. Relationships are complicated. It doesn't mean we break up at the drop of a hat. It takes courage to work towards a relationship and continue seeking solutions to difficult problems. It takes two people to build a relationship and not one person chasing the other. We must love a person the way they want to be loved and not the way you want to love them. Love is selfless and not selfish.
Relationship advice for introverts:
- Try dating an introvert – Life becomes easy when an introvert dates an introvert as they will be like minded and will agree on most of the things like place of the date, trips, food and so on.
- Take a chance – Don't restrict yourself on dating an extrovert as you never know it might change your life and make you a better person altogether.
- Reframe your thoughts - When you speak to a person you think you like just try to understand if you like them or not. Don't try to impress them or worry about being likable.
- Hobby – If you are dating an extrovert try to find a common hobby which will make you date interesting.
- Be open – Just be yourself and be open to your partner about your limits on partying or get together. Let them know about your discomfort so that they don't let you feel low. By being open you can solve many misunderstandings too. Because your extroverts family and friends might think you are a rude person and don't mingle with them. They might feel that you show unnecessary attitude and are not interested in their company. If your partner is aware of your limits he might let his family and friends know about it.
- Elements – When you plan a date make sure to go to places which both of you are passionate about. It avoids boredom. It puts you in your element and avoids meaningless conversations. Learn to compromise if you don't share the same passion.
- Movies – Introverts prefer to watch movies at home but it's not a bad idea to go to theatres as you just have to be quiet while watching the movie.
- Break the ice – Being an introvert you would want the other person to make the first move but it is quite possible for you to break the ice as well. All you have to do is focus on a happening incident or a popular movie and so on.
- No Expectations – Don't expect your dating partner to fall in love with you immediately. It might take time for the chemistry to work between the two of you. Be patient and go with the flow.
- Rolling conversations – Keep your conversation rolling by returning the questions asked of you. This will avoid awkward silences.
- Ask questions – Apart from returning their questions try to ask general questions about their hobbies, likes, dislikes, favourite food and so on.
- Friendship – While on a date for the first time focus on being a friend to your partner which will make it easy to slip into a relationship. You may also date any of your friends provided they show the same interest.
- Coach yourself – Talk to yourself in the mirror. Imagine a possible scenario or conversation on a date and talk to yourself about it. It will help you.
- Be upfront – Always be upfront about you being an introvert with your date. It is important to do so that your date doesn't misunderstand you as a rude person.
- Strangers – If your date introduces you to his/her friend who is a stranger to you, don't shy away. Try to talk to them as though you are meeting an old friend after a long time.
- Events – When your extrovert date invites you to a party, try attending the party. As you are not the host you won't have to talk much. Just try to involve yourselves in conversation with known people. By doing this you will get to meet friends of those known people. It will help you in making new friends.
- Known place – When you are going on a date try to suggest a known place to your date so that you feel comfortable and can try to open up with your date.
Further Reading: BuzzFeed: 25 Dating Tips Every Introvert Needs To Know
The above-mentioned tips are for introverts who want to go on a date. It is equally important to know what happens and what needs to be done to date an introvert.
Dating an introvert
This is what happens when you date an introvert.
Advantages of dating an introvert:
- Honest and truthful – Introverts are honest people. They don't try to impress people by flattering them with sugar coated words. They stick to their honest opinion.
- The absence of melodrama – Unlike others, introverts don't get into long conversations or text messages. They keep their conversations short and sweet. This reduces the melodrama in a dating relationship. Lesser the conversation, healthier the relationship.
- Personal space – Introverts know the value of personal space. As they don't like anyone to invade their personal space, they allow the other person in relationship to enjoy the freedom of personal space. They don't interfere in all that their partner does.
- Deep conversations – Though they don't prefer long conversations, they like their conversations to be deep and sensible. They don't indulge in gossiping or useless talks.
- Good listeners – Introverts are good listeners. They can listen to endless conversations of their partners. The fact is they love to listen rather than speaking.
- Peaceful – Introverts are peaceful and calm people. People with them can feel the peacefulness.
- Love expression – Though the introverts admire people they don't express it often. It is a rare thing for them to express as they shy away from being expressive. So, when they express their feeling, it becomes memorable and a special moment.
- Walk their talk – Introverts mean what they say. They don't say good things just to be in someone's good books. They don't make false promises to wind up the conversations. They do exactly what they say and they say exactly what they can do. Nothing more and nothing less.
- Thought flow – Introverts think a lot before they speak. In order to be at peace with everyone, they are watchful of their words. They are careful about not hurting anyone.
- Small World –Introverts have a small world. It consists of their family, a couple of friends and their partner. To be a part of their small world means a lot because it shows how much we are valued.
Further Reading: Quora: What are the perks of dating an introvert?
Disadvantages of dating an introvert:
- Lack of social customs – They always sit in silence amidst the group. They don't make any gestures or attempt to talk during family conversations or get-togethers. Though they don't intend to be rude, their silence is portrayed as rude behaviour. We need to explain to our family and friends before introducing them that they are introverts and not rude.
- Lack of verbal communication – Introverts get nervous during verbal communication and start stammering. They face a lot of difficulty in speaking their hearts out. They fear public speaking. But, they can write emails and letters better than most of the extroverts. When on a date they speak less and it really gets tough to understand them.
- Few friends – They have a small circle of friends. Their friendship lasts long as they can't make friends easily. They maintain a deep friendship with the few friends they have. Due to their small circle of friends, they socialize very rarely and are always ignorant about the happening places in the city. We cannot depend on them to suggest a good place for an outing because they seldom go out. Due to their small circle of friends, they don't mingle with their partner's friends and this gets tough to hang out with friends and our partner at the same time.
- Secretive – They don't reveal they're disturbing thoughts or incidents to their partners as they feel that it might disturb the other person. They keep these things to themselves which make them secretive. Introverts keep their problems to themselves and also try to solve them on their own. This habit truly annoys their partner.
- Boring – As they don't talk much, their company becomes boring. In the long run, we don't enjoy their silence and their company. We crave for them to talk and enjoy the date but they are too shy to speak up and limit themselves. They live in their boundaries. Dates become boring and at times it can lead to a break-up as well.
Further Reading: Alternet: 5 Biggest Downsides to Being an Introvert
Relationship advise to date an introvert
- Don't set expectations – Glamour: Here's How to Date an Introvert When You're an Extrovert - Whenever you meet your introvert partner or take them out don't expect them to mingle with your friends. Once they greet your friends let them be free to go. Don't force them to speak with your friends as it makes them uncomfortable.
- Make a plan – MeetMindful: 9 Simple (But Stellar) Dating Tips for Introverts - Every time you go out with your partner you make a plan and let them follow it but don't expect them to make a plan or to take initiative. When you take them out to parties always plan in prior to making an exit when your partner starts being uncomfortable.
- Know your partner – Get to know your partner well. It makes it easy for you to gel well with them and to understand them. It is important to know about their mood swings, happy moments, sad moments, and embarrassing moments and so on…. It makes life much easier.
- Quiet time – Global Seducer: 8 Essential Dating Tips for Introverts - This is one of the important things introverts love to do. They enjoy being quiet and we should allow them to be quiet even if it is in our presence. They might just want to read a book sitting by your side. You can sit along with them and keep yourself occupied by doing something of your choice and still keep yourself connected by holding hands or resting your head on their shoulder.
- Compromise – PsychCentral: 5 Quick Dating Tips For Introverts - Introverts might not enjoy crowded places as others. Learn what they like to do in their free time and join them. They might want to go to a library or a museum. It's better to compromise on few things to be in a relationship with an introvert.
- Don't baby them – We must not try to baby them in all that they do because they are introverts and not dumb people. They enjoy doing certain things on their own.
- Don't pity them – Psychology Today: 5 Crucial Tips for Introvert-Extrovert Couples - Introverts don't like to be in a pitiful situation. They don't like anyone to show pity on them.
- Movie – They might like to watch a movie but don't like to go to theatres. Stay in and watch a movie. They would love this plan.
- Music –Mostly introverts love to listen to music. They feel united by music. Play their favourite tunes and watch their face glow.
- Explore places – Mostly introverts love to explore places. It need not be a new city, it can be a new place in the same town as well. This makes them feel refreshed and helps them forget their misery.
- Shopping – Introverts love shopping but they don't feel safe going to malls or any other shopping places. Online shopping is a boon for introverts. They feel blessed to shop online with no fear or discomfort.