AC_Rhino: I'm applying for the open boyfriend position
I’m an actually single single man. I don’t have a side chick or a FWB, I’m not stringing along a chain of millennials with daddy issues, and I’m not the kind of single where I failed to tell my wife or girlfriend that I’m single. I have a good job, my own house, my own car, I know how to wash and fold laundry, I know that you also don’t wash your red shirts with your white sheets, I know how to clean, I know how to use a toilet without making a mess, and I’m an expert in the kitchen. My go to recipe when I want a low maintenance meal is simple; add one frozen chicken breast to liter of chicken stock with some onion and garlic and slowly simmer until it’s cooked, cut up the breast and return with the stock, now add a bag of your favorite organic frozen veggies, some ho-sin, oyster, and soy sauce to taste, a little lime and a dash of something sweet like honey and simmer until the veg are thawed, then toss in a handful of your favorite Asian noodles and cook until done. Look at you … you just made soup from scratch. You can vary your veggies and noodles all the time so it’s like a brand-new soup each time you make it.
I like to do outdoor things if I can, but I can also just lay on the floor and forget to move. I’ve been getting back into the gym because I like watching people using the equipment wrong. I pay way too much for cable that I don’t watch but every time I call to cancel they offer me a better rate and more channels I won’t watch so I stay signed up. I have a salt water fish tank and I love sushi … this proves I’m a complicated and unique person for those of you that is important to. I hate yogurt … it’s a horrific goo that should be illegal. My favorite hobby is watching millennials try to be adults in public … it’s so cute, bless their hearts.
I’m not looking for a mother, a warden, a babysitter, or a chaperone, but someone to drive me to the hospital when I do something stupid would be cool. If you’re overly sensitive or excessively serious we will not get along. Please don’t have 12 dudes on the side you’re juggling from dating sites. Most importantly, please don’t be an unhinged psychotic full-blown nutter … it was cute when you were in your 20’s but now it’s just scary AF. Having some skeletons in the closet is fine … having an actual skeleton in the closet, not so much.
Ok that’s all, if you’re in love with me already feel free to chat me up. Bonus points for true sleuths.