Hoodyup: Lonely old farts need love too
I am a homeowner on a fixed income, SSD, if you must know. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after my wife died three years ago. I try to keep fit, eat healthy, etc. but the loneliness gets the best of me sometimes. I live alone on 5 acres out in the country. It’s nice out here in the spring, fall and winter. Summers suck, but hey, I’ve got AC and no set schedule.
I am not looking for a nurse or a maid. I can look after myself. I wouldn’t say no to a nursemaid though, wink wink. I feel that I am a genuinely nice guy, although I do get a bit frustrated at times. I am too old and creepy to flirt properly, and I never learned the proper social protocols anyway.
What am I looking for in a woman? Uh, a pulse. Sure, I admire classic beauty, but I'm a realist. I am no prize turkey. Besides, the real beauty is inner beauty anyway. Tall, short, young, old, fat, skinny, black, white, blonde, brunette, I'm not picky.
I don't know If I could date a cigarette smoker, though, to be honest. The smell makes me nauseous. Smoke all the weed you want, that doesn't bother me, but I'd prefer not to get involved with any heavy drug users. Just not my scene. Moderate drinking is OK. I used to do it, but I gave it up a few years back. I may have a sip or two on rare occasions, but I value my liver these days, and it appreciates me cutting way back on the booze.
What are the odds that this ad will generate a sympathetic response? I figured I would go ahead and take the chance to and place it anyway. If you are a scammer, a bot or some phishing algorithm, I sympathize with you. Even AI robot scammers gotta make a living.
Oh, and I have what I guess is a normal sex drive. I just don’t have anywhere to drive it. But you don’t have to worry about me trying to jump your bones, that is unless you specifically want me to. I’m very respectful that way. I really could just use some companionship, part time, maybe working into a full-time, live-in arrangement.
Oh dear, did I just open the door for the homeless hordes? I'm guessing that the only woman that would deign to take up with me would be one who had fallen upon hard times and is possibly living out of a car or a shopping basket. I’m certainly not a sugar daddy, by any means. More like one of those sour lemon candies, what are they called, Lemonheads?
Anyway, my shelf life is limited, so I better slap on this reduced price sticker and see if I can sell this meat before it goes completely rank.
My Ideal Match:
It’s been three years, for God’s sake, can you blame me?
I am not looking to reform your sexual psychopathy (like it was a bad thing). I am under no illusions that I will be rescuing a princess or charming the queen out of her knickers. You are on DoubleList for a reason, are you not? Well, so am I, and who am I to judge another’s proclivities anyway?
A picture will be provided upon request to anyone curious enough to know more about this freak, as well as a detailed physical description of any part of my anatomy that you desire to inquire about.
I know I am probably not playing this game correctly, being all wordy and such, but this is just who I am. Admit it, ladies, wouldn’t you like to know more about a potential sexual partner than than just age/sex/location and how big it is? (it’s just fine, by the way.)
What else would you like to know? That I enjoy long walks, or or that I love animals and sunsets? That beneath this false bravado lies the tender heart of a hopeless romantic with his own seemingly incongruous slutty side? That I prefer a blues band to a rave, good conversation, cuddling and a quiet night in front of the TV to a wild night on the town? Those are all true of me, but still fail to provide even an accurate thumbnail.
Perhaps someone would be kind enough to let me know the optimal amount and type of information that a girl requires or desires of a guy these days, before consenting to strip down to her panties and engage in some consensual fun with him.
Just putting it out there, is all. A guy can dream, can’t he? If it strikes a chord with anyone, great. Please be a doll, and respond if this is you.